To celebrate the birth of my two friends, Moneybags and Sausage, I’m throwing a keg party. Well, not just me, but a group of us. The last time I threw a keg party I both fought my roommate’s friend and drunk dialed an ex-girlfriend for about an hour. Ah, memories. But God will put you through hell just to get you to heaven, or something? Idk. What I’m trying to say is that despite the pretty awful night that I ultimately had, that party did bring forth a new drinking game that my roommates and I devised. Here’s what you need:

• A bunch of beer
• 8 shot glasses
• 1 pitcher
• 10 quarters
• 2 cups
• A spotter (optional—sometimes things just get too real)

What ya do is you and an opponent line up on opposite sides of a table, with a pitcher of beer equidistant from both of you. In front of each of you are four shot glasses and five quarters. How the game starts is that the spotter (I guess you could refer to him/her as a “referee” but I wouldn’t) pours two cups of beer for each of you, which then must be drank until it’s half finished (honor system). Once the beers are half-finished, you have to bounce each quarter into each shot glass going down the table. When you sink the fourth shot, you take the fifth quarter and bounce it into the pitcher situated in the middle of the table. First one to make all five shots wins. Loser has to finish the rest of his beer.

I drew a rough sketch of how it’s played in case you’re more of a dum-dum visual interpretation kind of person like me:

It’s a simple game that lasts about 20 seconds and it serves as a very effective way to drink a lot of beer in a short period of time. You’ll be on game six and realize that in the three minutes you’ve played, you’ve already had about four beers. Real frat guy stuff. DUDES!

The only thing is that we never came up with a proper name for it. Obvious suggestions were “Quarter Shots,” “Shoot-The-Quarter-Into-Various-Sized-Containers-And-Have-Fun,” and “Christian Shepard” (because he drank himself to death). Although I’m quite fond of the last one, it needs something a little more catchy. Something that people hear and say, “Ooohh, that sounds fun and dangerous and unbelievably juvenile.” Maybe “Murderer’s Row”? “Pod Race”? “Grizzly Bear”? “Fart Mansion”?

(No one ever said my ideas were good.)