Get a Load of This Ted Cruz Video.

Ted Cruz, who is a sanctimonious bag of butts and a quitter who is bad at hugs, just debuted a five minute video in which his staff admits that despite them losing, they ran a “no regrets” campaign. (Just to remind you, their candidate is a Canadian man whose platform is defined by Christian fundamentalism, who is a self-described “political outsider”  who fell into reluctant establishment choice because he stuck around long enough, and who is better at getting boogers to kiss his lips in public than his own daughters.)

Okay, sure. While Cruz himself may not have had any huge gaffes so to speak (“New York values” notwithstanding), the campaign may want to walk back that claim, considering that they are ignoring the one huge regret they made: spending millions of dollars trying to shoehorn a widely-dislikable person into the White House.

But then there’s the issue of the actual video itself. Of course they won’t regret making it, but I regret playing it. Get a load of this thing.

What is this Friday Night Lights chicanery? Why do this? Why go with the single camera plus watered-down post-rock formula? Come on. Don’t do this. Don’t make me hate Friday Night Lights. Don’t make me hate Texas. Don’t make me despise the people in this video, who I’m sure are hardworking Americans that have hopes and dreams but just sorta, I don’t know, got behind this particular horse in a race full of actual jackasses because of convenience. Just don’t.

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